so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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