Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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