I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
