Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
