is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
