You can't special order awesome
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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