Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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