just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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