it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We need to get me chipped asap
COCAINE IS GR8
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
