dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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