Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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