you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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