Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
