I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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