My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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