Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
