before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
