are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
