Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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