ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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