I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
