so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
