Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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