He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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