well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
