would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
