He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
