"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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