apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
