bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
