Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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