nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
