he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
two words...techno handjob
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
