saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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