you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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