What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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