just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
