I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
