Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
