pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
