Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
