drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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