we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
