I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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