What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
