I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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