Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
