She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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