Soap is not a condiment
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
