A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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