Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
