Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
