Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
